Paramedic ordered to stand down

I got called on a “domestic.” We jumped into the ambulance and headed that way.

It was rural— about 30 minutes outside town. That meant two things…

First, we would probably beat the LEO there.

Second, we would need to wait and stage until they cleared the scene to make sure the perpetrator was gone, that it was safe for us to attend to the injured.

We parked a block away and sat idle for what seemed like 30 minutes or more— even after we made the drive. In the mean time, I learned—

•  The victim was a female adult
•  Her baby’s daddy shot through a door
•  Bullets hit her AND the infant during the argument

After a forever wait, we got the green light. We could enter the house.

The mom faded in an out of consciousness, and it was hard to get a pulse on the baby. Without knowing the age and weight of the child, we had to guess on all meds— and just about everything else.

We knew the baby was gone, but we were required— by protocol— to drive the baby to Children’s Hospital. I knew we were traveling with a dead baby. I kept playing and replaying all the scenarios in my mind.

I also wondered what might happen if we got there earlier. Or if we could have begun working as soon as we arrived.

I felt like I let the mom down, especially now having a baby the same age as that one.

But I’m not even sure what happened to the mother. She was taken to one hospital, because of the acute trauma she faced, while the baby went to another.

That day I drove home from work in a mental haze.

I drove too fast— over 2 times the speed limit. I got pulled over and told the officer I understood why he stopped me, and that I agreed that I was speeding.

“I’m so sorry,” I confessed. “You can give me a ticket or whatever. I won’t even argue it…”

He saw the look on my face and asked what was going on. He probably noticed my uniform, I suppose…

I told him the story, and he just let me go.

“You need some rest,” he said. “I’ve had hard days. I get it. Be careful on the way home…”

Soon after that I transferred to work at a hospital— to a place where I had more control over what I could do and not do (not having to wait to serve a patient), as well as being able to see the outcomes…